getting to know tegan
Frequently Asked Questions
What made you want to become a Sexologist?
I grew up in a sex-positive household & my family have always welcomed open conversations around sex & intimacy; which I believe helped me to become comfortable with talking about sexuality. I remember being in high school & finding myself, even from a young age, helping answer my peers sexual questions & concerns, whether about how to insert a tampon or “Is my Vulva normal?!”. My Mum, in particular, always held a really safe & open space to talk about sexuality. This really concreted for me that pleasure is important, sex should be consensual, our bodies are “Our Temples” (Mum Quote) & sex isn’t shameful. This set a foundation of comfort in my own sexuality, which allowed me to help others blossom in their own thoughts & ideas about sex. I always knew I wanted to be some kind of Therapist & once I finished my Counselling Degree, it was a very natural transition to do my Master of Science in Medicine (HIV, STIs & Sexual Health)(Counselling) & become a Sexologist.
What do you find is the most satisfying & fulfilling part of the work that you do?
I love my job. Being able to offer clients a safe, unconditional space, where they can explore their inner world & heal their pain, is the most rewarding & satisfying feeling. Seeing people leave my room with hope, relief & inspiration is what makes this job so fulfilling & gratifying. I really do believe that human beings are inherently wise & with the right support, space & guidance, we can be empowered to become our own healers. I am so proud of the clients I have the privilege to work with & every day I leave work feeling inspired by the human capacity for love, resilience & growth.
List 3 qualities that your friends and family would describe you as having?
I am non-judgemental, unconditionally loving and supportive.
List 3 strengths that you have as a therapist?
Empathy, Compassion & Unconditional positive regard. Empathy means that I am truly able to imagine what it's like to stand in someone else's shoes. Compassion is showing kindness, care & the willingness to help others. Compassion & empathy help clients feel understood, validated & heard. Unconditional positive regard means that nothing clients can do, could give me a reason to stop seeing them as inherently human & inherently lovable. It does not mean that I accept each & every action taken by a person, but that I accept who they are at a level much deeper than surface behaviour, that no matter what, they have my support & acceptance.
What has made you interested in helping couples with their relationships?
It was instilled in me from a young age, that healthy relationships have three key components; Trust, Communication & Connection. Watching my family flourish by these values gave me an interest in couples therapy. I aspire to help couples explore, master & embody these components, so they can have the happiest & healthiest relationships possible.
What are the most common relationships problems that you see in couples coming to you?
Miscommunication, libido discrepancy & disconnection are the most common issues I see in my therapy room. We live in a busy society, one that expects our partners to fulfil the role of an entire village. We expect them to be our friend, confidant, lover & family member; while managing all of our expectations, emotional, physical & psychological needs. This is allot of expectancy for people who have never been taught the skills needed for healthy relationships, or how to manage their own needs, feelings & desires. That’s where therapy comes in, I am here to teach clients the tools needed to navigate their relationships, with self & others, whether romantic or platonic.
What do you think surprises your clients after a sessions?
I think we all carry our own misconceptions around sex. Whether it’s that erections ‘should’ happen on command, orgasms ‘should’ be present to have a good time or that there is such a thing as ‘normal’ when it comes to sex. We all create a story about sex that was formed through the messages we received from family, friends, partners or society. I think client’s often end up in my room because they feel abnormal, because they fear some kind of sexual deficit & seek to ‘be normal’. I feel people are often surprised to learn there is no normal when it comes to sex, we create our own normal, WE decide what fuels our deepest pleasures, what sets us on fire & leaves the sheets soaking wet. A lot of what I do in my work is sexual education, it’s normalising the internalised abnormalities that we’ve all experienced in sexuality, helping people connect to their bodies & exploring what turns them on.
What would you like clients to know about the couple counselling process before they come in?
When I work with couples, I always work with each partner on an individual basis first. This helps me to gain an understanding of who they are on an individual level, so that I can be a solid support for each of them during couples therapy. I also feel that all of our relationships are influenced by the core connection we have with ourselves. If we want to have incredible sex & relationships, we need to create a healthy connection with ourselves.
What, for you, are the most important things that couples need to remember if they want their relationship to thrive, instead of just survive?
Trust, communication &connection. These are the foundations & building blocks to a thriving relationship. Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them & you feel physically and emotionally safe. Healthy communication is essential to a thriving relationship. Talking to & listening to our partner helps us built trust, understanding & perspective, on different aspects of our relationship & each other’s lives. Connection is important too, this is the spark that brought you together, this is the ingredient that will give you & your partner a meeting place, no matter how far you wander. Connection is where the two halves makes a whole & this is how you develop both your trust & communication; through the need or want to connect with each other. Finally, I must mention unconditional love, this means we must feel free in our relationships to communicate our needs without a fear of judgement, trust our partner completely & accept them for who they are as a whole, not just the parts we like.
What proportion of your clients manage, with your help, to successfully recreate a happy relationship (with themselves or their partner) from the difficult one that they came in with?
I have been privileged to work with some incredible people, who have put in the hard work, gone through the uncomfortable feelings that come along with healing & made huge changes in their lives. In therapy, you get out what you put in. There is no magic pill or quick fix. It comes down to how willing the couple or individual is to work on their issues & how dedicated they are to affecting change in their own lives. If you come to my room with this attitude, I will do everything in my power to support & guide you on your journey.
What kind of advice would you give to couples that are hesitant in contacting a sexologist?
I understand that therapy of any kind isn’t easy, it can be a daunting thought opening up to sharing the hurt & pain we carry in our relationships. I want couples to know that therapy isn’t a judgemental platform, this is a person who is invested in your relationship & wants to help you work as a cohesive team. A therapist isn’t as judge or jury, a therapist is a support system, someone who is there to give you the tools & guidance you need to find the answers to your own questions. When I work with couples, I try to work with each partner on an individual basis first. This helps me to gain an understanding of who my clients are on a singular level, so that I can be a support for each of them during couples’ therapy. I believe that all of our relationships are influenced by the core connection we have with ourselves. If we want to have incredible sex & relationships, we need to start by creating a healthy connection with ourselves. In therapy, I aim to foster this with each of my clients, so when we work as a team, we can focus on (what I believe) are the 3 key ingredients to flourish in our relationships, Trust, Communication & Connection.
What are some of the issues a Sexologist & Counsellor can treat?
I have experience & training in the following mental health & psychosexual issues
Sexual Dysfunctions – Desire disorders, arousal disorders, orgasmic & pain disorders
Anxiety (sexual & general)
General Mental Health (depression, anxiety, grief, loss, job stress, family distress or low mood)
Pain or distress experienced during sexual behaviour - this encompasses issues such as Dyspareunia, Endometriosis, Phimosis, Frenulum Breve, Vaginismus, Vulvodynia, Peyronie's disease or Lichen Sclerosus
Couples Therapy (mismatched libido, sexless marriage, issues with communication, conflict resolution, physical or emotional intimacy, fertility & infidelity)
Erectile difficulties - having, gaining or maintaining an erection
Ejaculatory difficulties – premature, delayed or retrograde
Sexual education - including ovulation tracking, sexual techniques, orgasmic training, anatomy, physiology, sexual coaching, sexual & reproductive health
Body image issues – general or related to sexual intimacy
LGBTQ+ Inclusive Counselling
STI’s & Sexual Health
Older people & sexuality (menopause & the changing body)
Fertility Counselling (fertility treatment, conception, pre & post-natal support)
Compulsive sexual behaviours (porn addiction)
Paraphilic disorders
Kink & BDSM
Extradyadic Relationship Training – Polyamory, Swinging & navigating open relationships
Cancer Recovery Support - Physical & Mental Healing
NDIS Support